Some Kind Of ‘Alien Beast’ Washed Ashore In Texas And Nope

I think I'd rather come face-to-face with Jaws.

Tommy Gimlerby Tommy Gimler
Photo: redhumv (Getty)

Sometimes just swimming a few laps in the Howard Johnson pool is the way to go.

According to the Daily Star, a “freakish creature” that washed up on a Texas beach is being compared to the monster in the Stephen King movie It. We’ll let you be the judge.

The “sea beast” was found by Preeti Desai of the National Audubon Society on the empty beach. Our guess is that it was empty because that fucking thing was lying there.

Here’s a much closer look.

Screen Shot 2017-09-13 at 5.08.51 PM

Photo: Twitter/Preeti Desai

Screen Shot 2017-09-13 at 5.09.05 PM

Photo: Twitter/Preeti Desai

Screen Shot 2017-09-13 at 5.08.45 PM

Photo: Twitter/Preeti Desai

Look, I have lived near the beach in sunny California for the last 12 years, and even though this disgusting blob of shit washed ashore in Texas, I’m going to add it to the already long list of reasons why I sneak into my buddy’s pool at his condo complex when it comes time to cooling off in the water instead of jumping in the Pacific Ocean for a few minutes.

And according to biologist and eel specialist Dr Kenneth Tighe, he believes that this “thing” is a fangtooth snake-eel. He also believes it might be a garden or conger eel, because “all three of these species occur off Texas and have large fang-like teeth”.

We’re just going to go with our gut and say this is some sort of ocean alien.

New Jersey’s shit will also make you want to steer clear of the beach: New Jersey Beaches Close Because Of Way Too Much Poop