Men Say the Darnedest Things: A Survey of Our Favorite Respectable Females’ Horror Stories With Men Trying to Get Their Attention

You had me at "lock you in a cabin."

Matt Branhamby Matt Branham
Photo: Paul Bradbury (Getty)

It’s no secret: Men are scum. Well, not all men are scum, but there is plenty to go around. We surveyed some of our favorite respectable females and got a temperature for just how weird guys would get in terms of what they’d say to get their attention. While some were outright honest, others were incredibly creepy. But the best is when it doesn’t go over well, and they just get super insecure and defensive.

Have a look at how guys will say the darndest things to get women’s attention, then either be glad you’re not one of those guys or cry a little that you’re lumped into the same category.

Men Say the Darnedest Things: A Survey of Our Favorite Respectable Females’ Horror Stories With Men Trying to Get Their Attention

shocked

A Fun Game of Cabin Hostage

If having the guy she nannied for ask about her thigh tattoo as he lifted her skirt himself wasn’t weird enough, she once had a guy tell her she was so cute he wanted to lock her in a faraway cabin and never let her leave. Does he realize how exhausting it would be to feed somebody daily like that? Even if he cooked for the week, the cost of gas would add up over time. Hey, anything for love!

The “How Much?” Proposition

A bar regular asked his bartender, knowing she was moving soon, how much a night with her would cost. He started at $5K before getting rejected, then doubled down and offered $10K.

how muh

“How’s your digestive system?”

You could interpret that in a number of ways. Either he was trying to be clever when asking a girl to dinner, or he was planning on putting something inside her that might not sit well with most women. Either way, he’s a winner.

“You’d have the best body if you didn’t eat so many tacos”

Backhanded compliments are the best, especially when they’re senseless ones. While, yes, tacos may be very delicious, the immediate observation that a woman’s body is in direct proportion to her taco intake is astounding. This crack genius probably thought he had the market cornered on funny asshole.

Nice to know my sexual deviancy hasn’t scared you off”

This was the guy’s second line to the poor girl. Though we may all have a couple sexual skeletons,  could we maybe keep them in the closet until after the first round of coitus? Surely, women appreciate some upfront honesty, but when it comes to the second thing out of your mouth, honesty should probably refer to your inability to wear matching socks.

Post-Coitus Body Shaming

Immediately after finishing up, the guy’s first instinct was to tell the girl about all the areas of her body she could work on. Apparently, body shaming is the new cuddly afterglow.

“Your tattoos look like you got them in prison”

While she very well may have gotten her tattoos in an Orange Is the New Black kind of situation, we can’t imagine why that would be helpful in getting closer to a girl.

The Immediate C-Word Drop

Sometimes, a simple “hello” just doesn’t do the trick, and when it falls flat, some guys get a little on the defensive after a light rejection. One girl told us how it’s very common that men will approach her, and when she doesn’t reciprocate, their immediate response sounds something like “bitch!” or “cunt!” as she continues on with her life. Seems like a nice way to reinforce that “hello.”

Can you top these, ladies?

Send us some of your most absurd one-liners and we’ll compare notes.

Until then: 8 Gender Identities You May Have Never Heard of and Might Want to Consider