NFL Cornerback’s Wife Pregnant With His 14th Kid, Which Is Somehow His 4th After Getting A Vasectomy

Here's one guy who better have a Costco membership.

Tommy Gimlerby Tommy Gimler
Photo: Timothy Hiatt/Getty for The Players’ Tribune

Yeah, he might want to think about playing until he’s 62 for child support reasons.

According to Urban Dictionary, which has become a rather trustworthy source of facts and knowledge these days, a vasectomy is when you “cut the tubes from a man’s balls to his penis to prevent sperm from leaving the body.” Here it is in a sentence:

Alex needed a vasectomy because he was a village idiot.

Or maybe you prefer the second definition, where it says a vasectomy is a “surgery to render a man impotent; aka the gift that keeps on giving (literally and figuratively speaking).” I for one prefer the second sentence that was provided as a guide:

My man got a vasectomy, now he can fuck me hard without a condom or without me on birth control, yeah, the gift that keeps on cumming, uh, giving.

Any crap, free agent cornerback Antonio Cromartie might want to think about getting another one of these things performed on his beanbag and pecker combo because the first one he got four kids ago obviously didn’t do the trick. Our guess is that they missed one of his tubes during the “cut and burn shut” part of the operation or they’re really screwing with this guy and waiting to see how many kids his wife shits out before he comes back to see the doc.

Well as of right now, that number is at four, as Yahoo! Sports is reporting that Cromartie’s wife is pregnant with the couple’s sixth child but his fourth since supposedly getting a vasectomy.

Truly an unbelievable story, especially when you throw in the fact that this is now Cromartie’s 14th kid overall. Eight more and they’ll have enough to play a real football game.

Our guess is that either the doctor who performed Cromartie’s vasectomy either sucks balls at his job or called in sick that day. Well, either that or his wife is plowing somebody else. Hell, at this point, a DNA test request might not be a bad call.

Odds are grandpa’s surgery won’t be a topic of discussion at the dinner table: Old Man Requires Emergency Surgery To Remove Sex Toy From Rectum