There are very few times in your life when you would have been better off taking a shit in the soda fountain at McDonald’s than doing whatever it was that you just did.
For Cincinnati Reds prospect Ian Kahaloa, this was one of those times.
According to the ESPN, the Reds pitcher was one of eight players suspended Tuesday for 50 games because of a “second positive test for a drug of abuse.” While that “drug of abuse” is technically unknown, it shouldn’t take a genius to figure out that the substance is likely cocaine, and we’re saying that with confidence because here’s a video of Kahaloa doing a line of snout candy and then uploading it to SnapChat:
Let’s be honest: If Kahaloa doesn’t get some help, something in that clip is eventually going to take him out, and by the looks of things, it’s going to be either a heart attack or diabetes.
Kahaloa is only 19 years old, so the good news is that he has plenty of time to stop being a shitdick. But since he has already failed two drug tests and he’s still more than a year away from being able to legally drink a can of Schlitz in Montana, he might want to think about hiring the same person who “cured” Amanda Bynes before it’s too late…